I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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