people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize