I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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