i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize