You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize