I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize