Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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