I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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