I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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