u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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