8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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