you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize