Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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