I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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