I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
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I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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