I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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