You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize