So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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