He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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