So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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