just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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