The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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