I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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