Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize