Cold hands, warm shart.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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