There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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