I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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