Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize