that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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