You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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