I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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