it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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