first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize