so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize