So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Boobs speak an international language.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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