and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
