First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize