I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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