theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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