Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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