In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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