you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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