Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize