In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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