i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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