1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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