guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize