Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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