dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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