why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize