dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
how does that bad decision feel?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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