Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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