just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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